Gentle or Permissive Parenting: Which One is Best?

One of the biggest decisions you’ll face is how to parent, and at Parenting Tales, we are fully aware of this. You want your child to grow up confident, kind, and respectful. But which parenting style helps most? That’s where gentle parenting vs permissive parenting comes in. Some parents have heard about gentle parenting, and others follow what they believe is permissive parenting, often without even realizing it. These two parenting styles (gentle parenting and permissive parenting) often get mixed up. They sound similar, but they’re not the same.

This page will help you understand the difference in a simple way, using everyday language and examples that actually make sense. Understanding how you want to raise your kids is a big decision. You want to be kind. You want to be heard. And you want your child to feel safe. It’s about finding the balance between kindness and structure.

What Is Gentle Parenting?

Gentle parenting focuses on respect, empathy, and communication. It’s not about letting your child do whatever they want. It’s about listening to them, guiding them, and setting calm, clear rules. Think about a toddler who throws a toy across the room. A gentle parent might squat down, look the child in the eye, and say, “I can see you’re upset, but we don’t throw toys. Let’s find another way to show how we feel.” This isn’t soft or lazy parenting. It’s firm and kind at the same time. Gentle parenting gives room for feelings without letting the feelings run the house. Kids are still expected to follow rules. But the way the rules are taught comes from a place of understanding.

What Is Permissive Parenting?

Now let’s talk about permissive parenting. This is where things can get confusing. At first glance, it might look like gentle parenting. But there’s a big difference. Permissive parenting happens when there are few rules or when rules keep changing. In this case, the toddler throws the toy, and the parent might say, “He’s just tired,” or “It’s okay, he didn’t mean it,” and then move on without addressing the behavior. This kind of parenting feels loving, but it doesn’t guide the child. Without limits, kids can start to feel unsure. They don’t know what to expect. They might even start to test boundaries more, just to find out where the lines are.

 The Big Difference Between Gentle and Permissive Parenting

The difference between gentle parenting vs permissive parenting is structure. Gentle parenting has it. Permissive parenting does not. Gentle parenting says, “You can be upset, and I will help you through it, but you still have to brush your teeth.” Permissive parenting might say, “You’re upset, so maybe we’ll skip brushing tonight.” In gentle parenting, parents teach kids to manage their emotions. In permissive parenting, emotions sometimes decide what happens next. Kids need both love and leadership. If there’s too much freedom and not enough guidance, it creates confusion, but gentle parenting tries to meet both needs.

What Gentle Parenting Looks Like in Daily Life

Let’s look at some examples of gentle parenting in real situations.

Bedtime Struggles

Your child says, “I don’t want to go to bed.”

A gentle parent might respond with, “I know you’re having fun. It’s hard to stop. But your body needs rest so you can feel good tomorrow. Let’s pick a book and read together before lights out.”

The key here is that the rule stays in place. But the child’s feelings are heard and respected.

Grocery Store Meltdown

Your toddler wants candy. You say no, and they start crying.

A gentle parent might say, “I know you really want that. It looks good, doesn’t it? But we’re not getting candy today. Let’s pick out some fruit instead.”

The rule doesn’t change, but the child feels seen.

This method builds trust. It teaches kids that their parent listens, but also stay firm when needed.

What Permissive Parenting Looks Like in Real Life

Now let’s look at those same situations with a permissive parenting lens.

Bedtime Struggles

Your child doesn’t want to go to bed. Instead of sticking to bedtime, you let them stay up as long as they want. Maybe you feel guilty or just too tired to argue.

Over time, this creates a pattern where bedtime becomes unclear. Your child may push the limit every night, hoping the answer will change again.

Grocery Store Meltdown

Your toddler wants candy and starts to cry. You give in and buy the candy to stop the noise.

This response teaches the child that crying gets results. Next time, they may cry louder or longer.

Permissive parenting often comes from a place of love, but it can lead to more tantrums, less respect for rules, and harder days ahead.

Why Gentle Parenting Works Better Long-Term

Gentle parenting helps kids build self-control. When they see you staying calm, it teaches them to stay calm. When they see you setting clear rules, they learn what’s expected. They feel safe because they know what will happen next. Let’s say your child is upset because you said no to screen time. If you talk it through, show empathy, and stay firm, your child may still cry, but they also learn something. They learn that feelings don’t control decisions. They learn that being upset doesn’t mean they get a different answer. This kind of learning takes time. But over months and years, it shapes behavior in a steady, healthy way.

Real Talk: It’s Not Always Easy

It’s easy to read about gentle parenting vs permissive parenting and say, “I know which one I want to do.” But when you’re tired, stressed, or running late, it’s hard to stay calm and consistent. Maybe your child is throwing cereal on the floor while the baby is crying. It feels easier to say, “Fine, just eat on the couch,” or “Okay, have the candy.” That’s where gentle parenting asks you to pause. Even in hard moments, it asks you to be the steady one. You won’t get it right every time, and that’s okay. What matters is trying again.

What Happens When Kids Don’t Have Clear Limits

When kids grow up without clear rules, it can affect how they act at school, with friends, and even at home. A child raised with permissive parenting might struggle with routines. They may have a harder time handling the word “no.” They may expect adults to always give in. On the other hand, gentle parenting helps kids accept limits. They may still feel frustrated, but they understand that rules exist for a reason. They learn to express feelings without expecting the rules to change.

Gentle Parenting Builds Trust

Children raised with gentle parenting often feel more connected to their parents. They know they can talk to them. They trust that their parent will listen, but they also know the rules won’t change every time they cry. Imagine a five-year-old who spills juice on purpose. A gentle parent might calmly say, “I saw you did that. What happened?” Instead of yelling or ignoring it, they guide the child to clean it up. They talk about it. The child learns there’s a better way to deal with feelings than making a mess. This back-and-forth builds a real connection. It also gives kids tools they can use all through life.

So, Which Parenting Style Should You Use?

It’s clear that in the discussion of gentle parenting vs permissive parenting, gentle parenting offers a better balance. It doesn’t mean being soft. It means being steady. You listen to your child and stay firm on what matters. You don’t say “yes” to everything. You don’t ignore behavior. You guide, teach, and stay calm, even when things get loud or messy. You’re not trying to be your child’s best friend. You’re trying to raise a kind, respectful, and emotionally strong person. That takes love, patience, and clear direction.

Gentle Parenting vs Permissive Parenting on Parenting Tales

At Parenting Tales, we know every parent wants what’s best. But sometimes, love needs structure. That’s the difference between gentle parenting vs permissive parenting. One gives space for emotions and keeps the rules. The other gives in to emotions and lets the rules slide. If you want your child to grow with confidence, self-control, and respect, gentle parenting is the way to go. It’s not always easy, but it works. Keep in mind that parenting doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be thoughtful. Keep showing up. Keep guiding. Keep listening. And if you ever feel unsure, Parenting Tales is here to support you every step of the way.